Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Day 9

Today we are talking about boot camp. Given yesterday was lounge lizard day, today needs to be the absolute opposite of vegetating. Well, there is so much to say about boot camp. Far too much to write about in one blog post, but the bottom line is that boot camp is the most life changing activity I have undertaken since giving birth. I did try the gym for a year when I first left the Government, but the reality was I had no idea what exercise was until someone was whipping me from behind. Seriously. At the gym I would jog on the treadmill and the moment I’d start sweating and heavy breathing I would turn down the speed and think “whoa, big workout”. Sweat was not in my vocabulary and to do so was seriously offensive and unladylike in my book. Then I found boot camp. I haven’t stopped sweating since!

The first month of boot camp was horrendous. Nothing will ever compare to that again (I hope). I thought I was going to die and have to be hauled to heaven on a stretcher. My body had absolutely no idea what had hit it. My trainers knew more about what my body was capable of than I did though and managed to “encourage me through it”. Is screaming “SUCK IT UP PRINCESS!!” classed as encouragement? Anyway, as I sit here recovering from a particularly difficult boxing, sprinting and push-up session of boot camp at dawn this morning (boxing with hand weights I might add!) let me reflect on the first two days of boot camp eight months ago. This excerpt is from my diary:

Tuesday 3 February 2009: My alarm was set for 5.00am, but of course I woke all night waiting for the stupid thing to go off, so I turned it off at 4.30 and got up. I was at Regatta Point at 5.40 along with all the other Boot Campers. First thing I needed to do was pee. Nerves or all the preparatory water I had been drinking? The girls knew I was a newbie so they said they said they would be kind. We walked down to Stage 88 where it all started. We warmed up by running up one end of the grassed area and walking back. We did that a few times. Then no more warm up. It was time to team up with a partner and as one ran to the tree line and back, the other was doing squats. Run, squats, run, squats, run, squats, RUUUUUNNNNNNNNN, squats. For 5 minutes. Then I was relieved to hear we were doing sit ups. Oh shit. We still have to run?? Run, sit ups, run, sit ups, run sit ups. For 5 minutes. Then it was time for a rest, surely? If you call push ups a rest. Run, push ups, run, push ups, run, push ups. "Leanne ... we said RUUUUUNNNNNN, not jog". Shit. I thought I was running. Now time for a rest? No. Run, lunges, run, lunges, run, lunges, run, lunges. So we have been running a lot and doing squats, sit ups, push ups, lunges, um ... what was next? Air bike and plank. Got it. And that was it! It was over. One hour of constant running and stuff. I had done it. And I hurt. But I was alive! I AM alive. I did Boot Camp! Oh, apparently that was just the day one warm up. It won't be that easy on Thursday. Easy? EASY? That was EASY???? Shit. Right now I am contemplating a nice warm shower but my legs have seized up and I can't get off this chair.

Thursday 5 February 2009: Boot camp was very hard! I can't even remember the order of events or exercises but it involved lots of sprints, boxing, kick boxing, push-ups and lunges. And with the muscles sore from Tuesday, I can tell you, the push-ups weren't working for me at all today. It was the push-ups that were making me want to cry. And I would have cried too but it took too much energy which I just couldn't muster. And the slower I went the more I was "encouraged" to keep going. And Kristy even put her hand on my back to add extra weight to my push-up! Did she not know that my muscles had faded away and that I was trying to lift with a muscle-less arm! If I didn't make it the whole boot camp would have to do the exercise again from scratch! Shit. All I could think of was "no more tuck-shop arms". And then more running and boxing and kick boxing and sprints and lunges. I think I almost died. I saw a light and I heard a voice that said "walk with me Leanne". I started to walk towards the light. This was it! My life had finished. It turns out the light was the sun finally starting to rise in the distance and the voice was Kristy (my instructor) encouraging me to walk with her as she could see I was about to pass out. I ended up on my back with my legs in the air trying to encourage some blood back into my head. It turns out I didn't die after all, and the best news is I got to have a little rest. I might almost pass out more often ...


Boot camp of course is now part of my weekly schedule and I don’t almost die nearly so often, but when they start adding weights to my boxing it becomes challenging again! Nice going ladies. Of course my boot camp is the toughest in the history of boot camps on the entire planet, so if you are already an avid boot camper and think I am writing like a pansy then SUCK IT UP because we all know my boot camp is tougher than yours.

If you are seriously wanting to change your physique and fitness and want to age gracefully then boot camp is the way to go. Write to me and I will point you in the right direction – straight to the hardest boot camp ever.

Note to self: when signing up for pole dancing don’t make it the same day as boot camp. Post boxing arms are not good for hanging and spinning (more about that another day!). And I seem to have a thigh strain ... I had it before I even went to boot camp this morning ... did I fall off the lounge yesterday?

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