Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Day 45

I have dark hair and a white en suite. Anyone with dark hair and a white bathroom would understand the enormity of this, particularly if you are prone to losing a bit of hair during the grooming process. The only word to describe it is filthy. It is downright filthy.

So every day I should sweep up my hair. But I don’t. I don’t leave it to fester and rot, but I don’t dispose of it daily. The family is used to it. It’s amazing what you can get used to. I suppose you’d get used to warts and in-grown toe nails if you had to live with them long enough. That’s what it’s like with my hair. We all get used to it. And when guests are due the en suite is the last room in the house I clean. Well, they aren’t going to see it, are they? The main bathroom is spotless, the family room tidy, the dining room perfect, the kitchen gleaming, the lounge room cosy, the bedrooms neat and the en suite filthy. If it’s a party and I know that more than one toilet will be required, then the hair is gone and the en suite sparkles. But if it’s just a couple of people over then the en suite stays furry, mainly because my husband is still showering and I am still in there brushing my hair within minutes of the door bell sounding.

So you can imagine the anxiety it creates when there is an unexpected need for both bathrooms. The anxiety heightens when it is your mother. I mean, it shouldn’t, but it does because she raised me better than that. But anxieties reach heart attack point when it’s the mother-in-law. That is head-in-the-hand, retreat to a corner and rock obsessively kind of anxiety.

As far as mother-in-laws go I have a good one. A great one in fact. Derek and I get along very well with our respective parents-in-law, but everyone knows that to a son’s mother, the son’s wife will never be able to cook, clean, iron, wash or sew as well as his own mother. She might not come out and say it, but the subtle suggestions about improving recipes, the offering of cleaning products and the advice on washing techniques pretty much means you’re not up to scratch. There are times, many in fact, where I’ve been thrown into a real life episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond”. It’s all good though. I take it all with a grain of salt, as does she. We each know our place and we get along well.

But dark hair and white bathrooms are REALLY not a good combination. I walked into the house one day to find Derek’s folks had arrived earlier than expected and were already inside making themselves at home. It’s nice to have a welcoming comfortable home I thought as I ascended the stairs. It’s so nice to have such peace with the extended family. I will never understand family feuds. And then I saw her as she emerged from my bedroom. “Hello love! Just used your bathroom as Darby’s in the other one”. Oh shit! Oh crap! Oh vomit! She’d seen it. It was too late. Life would never be the same again. Nothing was mentioned, but it wasn’t long afterwards that I was handed a little book called “Speed Cleaning: a spotless house in just 15 minutes a day”.

How to speed clean white en suite: dye dark hair blonde ….

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