Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Day 51

There are monsters in the night. Scary ones. I will never again question my son’s over-active imagination when he runs down the hall screaming to our bedroom for a cuddle, because I know for a fact that there are monsters in the night. They may not be physical monsters but there are metaphoric monsters that invade my midnight mind.

For me the middle of the night magnifies normal thought. To think about financial issues mid-afternoon can cause me some mild anxiety but to have the same thought at 2.00am can have me bankrupt and living on the streets. To think about health issues during morning tea can prompt me to think about getting a blood test, but to have the same thought in the middle of the night can have me producing my farewell video for the kids so they don’t forget me when I’m gone. Why does the night bring with it thought demons?

When I left my Government career three years ago it was based on Derek’s wage and his ongoing contractual commissions. He hasn’t been paid commission now for 9 months which means our cost of living and income are not quite in alignment right now. The lack of commission is not due to lack of performance on his part, he is performing as well as he ever did and still ranks high on the list of most productive sales reps. The lack of the commission is due to the current economic climate which seems to be magnified for Derek because he works for a US company. I think they must have been attacked by the middle-of-the-night monsters because without any middle-of-the-day structured and reasoned thought they pulled everyone’s commissions, turfed people onto the streets and spread cancer through the company globally. Or maybe it is because their middle-of-the-night is our day and it is all because of the time difference! Whatever the reason they have passed on their monsters causing me to get monsters of gigantic proportions invading my normally reasonable brain.

So last night as I woke to Darby and his middle-of-the-night monsters, I lay awake for the remainder of the dark hours thinking about how on Earth Derek and I were going to survive. I hardly have any clients anymore because when people tighten their belts they turf the extras like success trainers. And while my books are being considered by publishers they have their own challenges and book lists are being slashed meaning yet-to-be-published authors are the first to go. So there is no money coming in from me. By the time I eventually got up at 4.00am (not about to stand the anxieties any further) I had us selling the family home and living in a shed on the corner of Mum and Dad’s farm, eating nothing but home grown beans, tomatoes and capsicum (that is all we can seem to grow), me being on life support due to a hardened heart, the dogs eating road kill to survive and the kids getting nothing but coal and homemade bookmarks for Christmas. I have to say though, my nails were still perfectly manicured. At least the monsters understand me.

2 comments :

  1. Ha! Sorry, I'm not laughing at your financial misfortune...I have my own larger sized monsters making me, too, feel like offloading all my material possessions in order to lead a less expensive, peaceful lifestyle. No, I'm lol-ing at the manicure...i may not have been able to eat more than a peanut butter sandwich for dinner on Sunday, but gee my nails look good! There are some compromises that shall not be made, I guess.

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  2. Someone on my wavelength! I like it ...

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