Friday, November 27, 2009

Day 54

Yes, I have a tattoo. I did however wait until I was 30 to get my tattoo and that is what I tell my children. You can’t have a tattoo until you are 30! Wait until you are old enough to know it is something you want for life. It didn’t help with my step-daughter Chelsea though, she got her first tattoo at 18 and has been getting them ever since (she is now 21). And they’re not ugly. They’ve just taken her purity away I guess. I know I will have my work cut out for me but I hope our other kids will hold off for a little longer …

Anyway, I got my tattoo when I was 30 after careful assessment about the pitfalls of tattoos and body aging. My tattoo therefore is on my foot. I figured my foot wouldn’t sag or stretch or wrinkle too much. I had seen some really bad examples of tattoos gone wrong.

A lady I worked with had a star tattooed on her butt when she was a teenager but a sagging bum made her aging star go elongated and turn into a Christmas tree. And then there was the woman I saw at the coast in a bikini top with a butterfly tattooed across her stomach. It was probably lovely when her tummy was tight and buff, but after kids this woman had a jiggly wiggly paunch that left the butterfly flapping wildly with every step she took. I was mesmerised! It was seriously hideous. And then there is the guy who had tears tattooed below his eye when his girlfriend left him and those tears will be there regardless of how happy he is in later life. Oh and by far the best one is the elephant whose trunk had once been raised at mid level across a woman’s chest only to get brewers droop as the owners breast turned south at middle age. Seriously funny and seriously shocking. Every year when I see my gynaecologist he makes small talk as he prepares for my annual examination by saying “I see you still have that tattoo”. And each year he tells me the story of a patient who had a tattoo written in Hebrew which was supposed to say something positive and uplifting but on travelling to the Middle East discovered it was actually Hebrew for “toilet”.

Tattoos are crazy things and are with you forever. I am pleased to say my tattoo looks just as it did ten years ago and even though I have ugly feet which are starting to look deep fried, my tattoo is surviving the tattoo test.

What is my tattoo? It is a crescent moon with three stars which for me means “reach for the stars and at the very least you will land on the moon”. As long as my stars don’t sag and turn into Christmas trees it should be all good. Hopefully …

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