Sunday, January 31, 2010

Day 119

Deep Fried Fruit my arse. Who's bloody idea was it to blog everyday? "Julie and Julia" has a lot to answer for. This is ridiculous thinking I have enough gumph in my brain to dribble out daily.

Today as I sit WITHOUT a cup of tea (all the green tea is gone and now I have run out of milk for my English Breakfast) I suffer a chronic case of bloggers-block which is creating blogaphobia and bloganoia. It seems I have blogamortis and perhaps even a case of blogapation. All combined are creating an atmosphere of blogasteria.

It doesn't help that I am exhibiting signs of teaism and perhaps even a chemical imbalance due to anaesthetic hangover. I could get a cup of coffee because they say you do and say stupid things with more energy after drinking coffee (doing and saying stupid things is after all what Deep Fried Fruit is about), but I haven't had a cup of coffee in 15 years, so I don't really want to fall off that wagon. I'd have to go back to Caffeine-aholics Not-so-Anonymous. Will someone please give this dangerous bitch a cup of tea!!! And something to write about ...

A few hours later: I did the groceries and have returned with green tea. Human reboot in process ....

Glossary:

Bloggers-block - inability to find anything to write about

Blogaphobia - the anxiety created when you discover you have nothing to write about (sweaty palms, dilated pupils, laboured breathing)

Bloganoia - the paranoia felt when you KNOW that everyone is waiting for your blog post to appear and you KNOW that they are all pissed off and about to "un-follow" you

Blogamortis - the rigour that sets in rendering you unable to move let alone type

Blogapation - constipation of the mind which is filled with stuff to write about but it is clogged and won't come out

Blogasteria - the hysterical tantrum that comes with bloggers-block, blogaphobia, bloganoia, blogamortis and blogapation.

Teaism - reliance on tea which sends you to Teaolics Annonymous.

Caffeine-aholics Not-so-Anonymous - Gloria Jeans and Starbucks

Other Terms I have devised for the blogging world include:

Bluggish - your blogging brain is feeling sluggish

Blubbish - what you have written on your blog is rubbish

Blogapnoea - inability to sleep because you are thinking about your next blog post

Blog Dog - an uptight bitch who blogs (ie me)

Blordom - what you feel when you read a blog that is boring

Blogorrhea - the filthy dribble that you often see on blogs (including mine)

Bloggerific - a terrific blog post

Blugger - what you say when you stuff up (like "bugger")

Blogcation - a vacation from blogging

Bluck - another exclamation made when you stuff up

Bloggy - when you are feeling fuzzy in the head and kind of foggy making it hard to blog

Blingo - an exclamation made when you hit the Blogging jack pot or it can be also used to describe blogger lingo.

BIGJAM - Bluck I'm Good Just Ask Me

Stay tuned! More to come ...

3 comments :

  1. Oh my lordy! That was a hillarious post. As a fellow blogger I suffer from all of these conditions and funnily enough I am feeling content because all these conditions now have names... thanks to you! Keep them coming xxx

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  2. Love it! Thanks for the laugh!

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  3. Laughing out loud, as I know exactly what you are talking about! I might just go have a green tea now :)

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