Friday, January 8, 2010

Day 96

A man kills a deer and brings it home to feed the family. He doesn’t tell the kids what they are eating. Instead he plays a guessing game. He says “it’s something your Mum sometimes calls me”. After careful thought one of the kids screams “don’t eat it! It must be an arsehole!”.

I am sorry to have to do this but today I am going to talk about A-holes. No, not husbands (mine could not be classed as such) but actual bums. My apologies now if the following post offends anyone. You may need to read it while peaking through your fingers like when watching Big Brother (what a train wreck that was), or the movie RV when the sewerage from the camper van sprays all over everyone, or when someone is actually running past you with a bare bum (because that happens often does it?), or when you are watching any movie with Will Ferrell in it (usually hilarious but only in a cringe-worthy peaking through your fingers kind of way). Anyway, you've been warned.

Did you know that one of the latest crazes in cosmetic surgery is bleaching of the anus?! Huh! Who knew? Well, I say “latest crazes” loosely because I am not up on the big plastic surgery issues of the day, but given I have only just heard about it, it’s classed as a “latest craze” in my books. So there it is. Right out there in the open for all to see (so to speak). For some interesting reason people feel the need to bleach their date, their dot, their butt hole, their poo shooter. It seems that brown eyes are soooo yesterday, and that white (or pink?) is the new brown! Hmmm. It makes you wonder why you need to reconstruct something that is rarely seen by the population at large. Unless of course chucking a “white eye” is par for the course. I can understand people wanting an eyelid lift (no one needs an optical veranda), an eyebrow wax (monobrows are a little cave man), an upper lip wax (to prevent cappuccino drippage), the plucking of the beard (to curb the inner lioness) and botox (to take away the angry and concerned frown and replace it with a look of surprise and bewilderment), but the face is something a gazillion people see on a daily basis. Why the need to camouflage your arse?! No seriously, WHY? And how often do you need to get it done? Does it re-stain and the maintenance is as regular as hair dye? As you can probably tell, I am not all that interested in butt bleach despite my age. I have only in recent years progressed from a bikini wax to a g-string wax, and still can’t quite get my head (or twot) around a Brazilian. The bleaching of the butt hole is truly beyond me …

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