Thursday, February 11, 2010

Day 130

Don't go anywhere! Iam just off to boot camp. I'll tell you all about it once I get home (and after I have packed the lunches, made the beds, fed the famiy, got the kids dressed and off to school).

A few hours later:

Man I stink! I am sitting here offending myself severly. I should shower, but that would mean leaving you hanging and I KNOW you want to hear from me so I'll make the ultimate sacrifice and breathe in my own stench as I type. I know! How positively cave woman of me ...

I am sipping from my cow mug again by the way, and no, I am not thinking of flatulence, but rather that my beautiful dairy farming friend is also a sparrow. She wakes up daily before the sun rises to milk her mooeys. As I drove to boot camp with the headlights on this morning I decided not to complain but to rejoice in only getting physical at dawn twice a week instead of daily like our hard working farmers. And I don't come home covered in cow poo ... actually cow splurt ... which kind of splatters all over you during the milking process ... worse than splatter actually, more like batter. Yes, poo batter. I don't come home in poo batter. Just a little bit of duck shit from time to time ...

Hmmm. Oh, but I digress!

I turned up to booticus campicus (that's Latin for boot camp) this morning in the semi-darkness (still not complaining) and was welcomed heartily by my fellow campers and my trainers. Quite a few happy faces considering. My trainer actually asked me if I'd blogged my Tuesday boot camp experience. No, I had to admit I hadn't. Oh .... (aren't we good enough for you anymore? Isn't boot camp bloggable? Why aren't you screaming in capital letters at us and telling the world how horrendously horrible today's session was?) She didn't actually say any of that, but I felt it trickling through the dawn mist. So today I dedicate my ramblings to you my dear Boot Campee (if we are boot campers, does that make her the campee? or just plain camp? Or is she actually the boot camper and we are the campees? Another topic best left for a night on the piss ....)

I got the heebie geebies when the big barbells came out. Yep, it was weights today. Hang on, I still can't lift my arms above my head from boxing on Tuesday! Looks like more work on the tuck shop arms. We partnered up and took our weights down by the lake, near the main bridge that funnels all the north/south traffic across the lake. Yikes. That means stairs and ramp sprints as well. Bugger.

I wasn't wrong. We started with a few easy runs up the ramp and down the stairs, up the ramp and down the stairs, up the ramp and down the stairs ..... then while one partner did the whole lifting the barbell above the head thingimo the other partner had to SPRINT up the stairs and down the ramp for one lap and then we swapped (it's about a 1.5 minute lap I guess, maybe 2 minutes depending on your partner). We did that a few times. The dizzies came to visit during the sprints. We don't like the dizzies. The weights were actually a welcome relief from the sprinting, but then as you heaved and puffed to get those last few weights out the sprinting became the relief from the lifting. Then it was sit-ups for the non-runner. But not any normal sit up. Oh no! We can't have anythig that is actually DOABLE!! It has to be something fandangle and ridiculously impossible. It was something called a ... what was it? .... um ... a fly crunch or something? Legs straight up in the air with arms out to the side(like you are mid dive doing a tumble in the Olympic high dive) while you do crunches. F*&^ me purple. I'm still not complaining by the way. But where is my runner??? Can anyone see my runner?? Then it was a different type of weight lifting (to the chin) while the runner went back to sprinting up the ramp and down the stairs (I find it hard to run down stairs ... vertigo). We had to keep doing that for God knows how long, swapping back and forth. As I did the weights I was internally screaming "WHERE'S MY RUNNER?!??!" Tuck shop arms my arse. I don't have arms. Mine are now elastic bands just burning with exhursion. They have become useless and all the muscles seemed to have dissolved. What have you done to my arms?! Oh, but it's not over yet. Now the runner has to go back to sprinting up the stairs and back down the ramp while the non-runner gets down into plank position. For non-exercisey people plank is where you are lying down on your elbows, with your body stretched out (face down) on your toes using your stomach to hold it all straight like a plank. We had to stay in plank until our person got back from their run and if we fell out of plank we both would have to do 10 situps for each stuff up. That's plankiscide!!! All righty then. It's kind of easy if you stick your butt in the air but then it is no longer plank. You get in trouble for that (as I found out). Remember how my arms no longer have muscles in them and have gone all wobbly and stretchy? It's hard to hold plank without arms. That's when I discovered my head! So without drawing too much attention to myself I managed to hold plank without falling out of it for a few rounds by making use of my noggin. Gee my legs look alright from this angle. "Leanne, are you leaning on your head?" "Me, nooooooooo, of course not ... it's just my hat getting in the way". My partner to her credit did it noggin free but the bottom line is that between the two of us we got through that phase without penalty push ups. Phew!! Then that was it. The whistle was blown (metaphorically) and another hour of boot camp was over. Really!?! Wow. I could have done at least another 3 ninutes .....

May I shower now? My stink is awful. It might actually challenge the whole poo batter thing ...

4 comments :

  1. Hello Leanne, this is your trainer. Your hat is now banned from boot camp. I don't care what your hair looks like at 5:50am in the morning, it is now considered a banned performance enhancer. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Holy shit!!! Well that was a surprise visit. Note to self - don't let trainers have your blog details, Facebook access or twitter address. Bugger.
    Oh and Kelly, thanks for the luck - as you can see it was needed :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. H Leanne, I was a hop skip and a jump away from you yesterday, my old stomping ground from 2008.
    Great blog again.... WOW!!!

    ReplyDelete

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