Thursday, March 11, 2010

Day 158

Note to self – don’t cut up chillies when you have itchy eyes.

After making the kids spaghetti and “meatballs” last night with cut up sausage leftovers, I decided to make good use of Derek’s chilli plant and make a chilli crab pasta for Mummy and Daddy. Before you get too excited it wasn’t that fabulous. I am not a foody so I don’t love eating, let alone cooking, meaning the crab meat was canned. Yep, I am a cooking cheat … a coocheat in fact. Anyway, so I was cutting up the chilli and had some sort of hay fever attack so launched into my eyes with both sets of fingers. Cue burning sensation. Cue screaming. Cue running aimlessly down the hall tripping over dogs and toys. Cue dog yelp. Cue tears. Cue running water ….

Another note to self – don’t leave plastic spatula resting in side of fry pan while you are attending to chilli eyes.

After I dealt with the chilli pain (which was reminiscent of the time I accidentally brushed my teeth with “hot and icy” liniment cream) I returned to my cooking to stir the sautéed onion, chilli and garlic, only to burn my fore-finger on a melting spatula. Cue burning sensation. Cue screaming. Cue diving for tap to relieve pain. Cue more screaming as I turned on the hot instead of cold water. Cue tears. Cue swearing.

Another note to self - if after burning plastic there is black stuff in your chilli pasta, you probably shouldn’t eat it.

With black plastic burnt onto my finger I continued with the task at hand and finally served up a taste sensation to the family. I noticed some small black bits in Derek’s meal but didn’t think much of it. It was my cooking after all. Burnt charcoal bits are just one of my standard condiments. He completely demolished his meal but later complained of some crunchy tough pieces, a couple of which he had swallowed, but one which was still rolling around his mouth. I hoped out loud that it wasn’t burnt plastic. Cue spitting. Cue swearing. Cue “I can’t believe you would serve that”. Cue “cook your own stupid dinner”.

I think I might pick up take away tonight …

4 comments :

  1. Rofl. Thanks for the early morning laugh! (I hope your eyes and fingers are ok?)

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  2. Yeah hope all burnt body bits are back to normal.

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  3. Oh, my!!! That is HILARIOUS!! This is EXACTLY why I don't cook! Hope everyone is back to normal!! (Take-out sounds like an excellent idea for tonight!!)

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  4. Oh dear. I personally think chilli should be banned - it's dangerous and adding it to food is the most sadistic kitchen thing I can think of.

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