Thursday, June 3, 2010

Day 241

So I was hitting that proverbial brick wall the last few days and after lots of attempts to climb it, and a bit of head butting, I finally decided to lay down beside the wall and just sleep, to gather my strength to try climbing over it again. I think that if I kept butting up against it, it would have eventually fallen on top of me.

You’ve got to know me to understand that I NEVER take a sick day. When I worked full time in the Government I would go to work rain, hail or migraine. I’d go in green, blue or flu. I’d simply dose myself up and keep on keeping on. Not necessarily the best approach, but for some reason I felt the need to always push onwards.

But something interesting has happened to that ability (if you can call it an ability). It is called age, and that other thing I said I wasn’t going to give any energy to, the fibromyalgia. Now when I feel a little unwell, and get every day lurgies, the impact quadruples to include all the horrid symptoms not just of the original gremlin (in this case my head cold) but also of the most difficult aspects of my condition (in this case chronic fatigue and body pain). So you see, all that talk about Mondayitis finally gave way to simply having a good old fashioned cold which in turn gave way to my don’t-want-to-talk-about-it chronic condition. Which in turn made me call in sick yesterday to school, cheerleading, and my own business (although that was a silent call inside my head), so that I could lie down in front of the wall and just give into the signs my body was giving me.

Now that I have actually listened to my body, instead of arguing with it, I am treading the fine line between sickness and health. As I said a few days ago, letting myself go splat seemed to invite the fatigue bug in. But now that I have acknowledged that it is here, and I am letting it speak, the fact that it has now been heard may actually be enough to shut it up! Perhaps. As I said, a fine line. A very fine line. The balancing act is tricky ….

But hey, I have trapezed, surely I can balance the high wire as well …

No sickies today. The wall seems a little smaller today. I think I might try scrambling over it ….

3 comments :

  1. Ic an tell you feel better. Thank goddess for that. Sleep is the best medicine. Vit B is pretty bloody good too though....

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  2. I hope today finds you well! =)

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  3. I hope you've had a great rest and that you're taking it easy as you push to recover. I'm glad you listened. It's hard to hear over the roar of life sometimes. Kudos.

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