Sunday, June 6, 2010

Day 244

BRMP, BRMP, BRMP. Alzheimer's alert! Alzheimer's alert!

I drove up to the "corner store" yesterday. The corner store consists of a mini supermarket, a chemist, a hairdresser and a very Aussie/Greek take-away food shop/hamburger joint. I drove up to grab a can of soup. That's all. Just a can of soup.

I parked, jogged into the shop, found what I needed, paid and walked out.

Um, where's the car? I stopped and stared. There were around 8 vehicles in the little car park. My car is tall and black (KIA Carnival). It's easy to see. I can't see it. I stood for a second staring blankly, shook my head and looked again. Nope. Not there.

Shit.

SHIT.

SHIIITTTTTTT!!!!!

Someone has stolen my freakin' car. I've been here only a couple of minutes and someone stole the car! Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my FUCKING God!! (Sorry God)

Face drains of all blood.

Hyperventilating.

Starting to rock back and forth in "can't cope" motion.

Going into shock.

Sit down on the brick wall and put my head between my legs. Concentrate. What to do, what to do? Surely car can't be stolen? It's kind of impossible. And besides, this doesn't happen to me.

Where are the kids? Were they in the car? No. No, the kids are safe. My handbag was in there, but I have my wallet in my hand. Ok.

I look up calmly. Check the car park again. Shit. It's not there. It's just NOT THERE! Tears start to form.

I need to run back in the store and ask them to call the police. Need to do it calmly. Not feeling calm. Need to do it hysterically. That will ensure quick action ...

I stand and start to walk foggily back to the store. Head is spinning.

The keys! Surely I didn't leave the keys in the car? Oh, hell! Did I leave the keys in the car?Check my pocket. Nope. I have the keys.

I pull out the keys. Yep. Got the keys.

I stop walking. Staring at my hand.

Hang on a minute, these aren't my keys?!

OH shit.

I turn to face the carpark.

Colour returns to my face. Now flaming red.

I didn't bring my car. I brought Derek's.

And there it is! Crouched behind that 4WD.

Heart beat returns to normal.

Disaster averted ...

Hysteria settled.

Embarrassment and a new shock sets in.

BRMP, BRMP, BRMP. Alzheimer's alert! Alzheimer's alert!

(Stupid aluminium saucepans. See previous post at Day 99 HERE)

9 comments :

  1. Too funny! Funnier because it didn't happen to me.

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  2. Ahhahhahaa! THIS MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!

    I have done the exact same thing. More than once.

    Wandering frantically around a multi-level car-park in desparate search and denial that my car has been nicked. Scouring for the roof rack of a black 4wd.

    Eventually to remember, with knee trembling relief, that I drove lovely husbands low slung gold coloured thing.......

    I AM SO GLAD IT IS NOT JUST ME!

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  3. ahaha! Phew! Glad that ended well. Last week in the pouring rain I was picking up Miss 3 from Kindy and was flabagasted to see that our cars central locking wouldn't fecking unlock. So all the while trying to manage 2 small children to ensure other cars to not make them Minced Rucci's. I had Miss 3's art crap all over the joint, unbrella in tow, Mr 2 is whinging for a "cracker", trying to carry her bag. Nightmare.

    So I put the keys into the keyhole in the drivers side door.

    It doesn't unlock.

    It wasn't my car.

    My car is two cars away.

    DERRR

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha. I did the reverse this week: I forgot I had a car. Friday night drinks with friends turned out to be much bigger then anticipated and I took a taxi home.
    Today my partner, while looking at the very empty garage, asked me "Didn't you used to have a car?"

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  5. This is brilliant. I thought only I did these kinds of things.

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  6. Super funny! I've done this before, but with my own car! completely forgot where I parked it and felt like a total idiot...

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  7. OH my goodness, I am so relieved that it may not be Alzheimer's after all, but simple human stupidity. Thanks for the validation guys ...

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  8. I have done that. I've also walked around cursing about missing glasses that were literally right in front of my eyes on my face where they belonged.

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