Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 461

The rain has prevented me from erasing those tan bananas but that's ok, we had to head back home for Derek to return to work anyway.  So we jumped in the car and headed over the mountain.

We were only on the road around ten minutes before one child began to vomit.  So we pulled over and assessed the situation. As we stopped I had a mild panic as I wondered if I would be covered in leeches as I stepped out of the car.  Rain forest type mountain. Leeches.  It has happened before.  The good news is the vampires didn't come out.  The even better news is that Darby 's vomit was more of a phlegm ball than a gut glob.  Phew.  He's finally got rid of that goop he's been coughing about for the last 3 weeks.

We cleaned him up and headed off again and I spent my time silently recollecting (not-so-fondly) my leechy experiences.

The first was when I was a kid. We used to go camping on a property Mum and Dad owned by a river in said rain foresty type mountain.   One day we went for a bush walk and came across a very damp and ferny environment.  I skipped along in my shorts, riding boots and mountain climber socks, oblivious to the gremlins of the world.  It wasn't until we got to an opening that Mum and Dad asked me to sit down so they could examine inside my shoes. Why?

That's when the screaming began.  OMG!!!!!  What the??!  My toes were covered in black slime and blood.  Arrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh .....   Absolute hysteria ensued.

Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh ........

Hyperventilating.

Head spinning.

More screaming.

Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhh .......

All the while Mum and Dad were quietly (or perhaps I just couldn't hear them above my own lungs) going about burning the suckers off with their lit cigarettes.

How the hell did those little bastards get into my leather boots and woolen socks?

From that day on leeches have been my number one fear.  No, actually, make that number two. Sharks are my first (thanks Jaws).

Anyway, many, many, many years later I had another leechy experience. This one involved Tahlia.  We were again driving over the rain foresty type mountain when she needed a toilet stop. Given she was in the middle of toilet training we pulled over quickly and set about getting her in the road-side squat position. We chose to go into the scrub a little to hide her from the world. I held her in my arms and I leaned down close to the ground with her bum in between my arms.  She was about to begin when I noticed tiny black squiggles on my sneakers, and on hers.  The squiggles were quickly diving through the laces. SHIT!!!  FUCK!!!! LEEEEEECHES ........

Again with the screaming.


Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhh ........

Hyperventilating.

Head spinning.

More screaming.

Arrrrgghhhhhhhhhhh .......


Hysteria.

And then some bare bum running towards the highway followed by hysterical crying mother - all signs of urine now sucked back into the bladder.  Shoes were flung to the ground. Socks followed.  Lots of stomping and more screaming.  There was also a moment where child was turned upside down and closely examined in the hind region to ensure no black festies were making their way into any orifices.

Horrible.

Of course now she has the same leechy phobia.  Probably not so much due to experience, but rather by hysterical transference. There's a name for it you know.  The leech phobia. Truly, there is. It's called bdellophobia.

Yep.  That was what I was thinking about as we drove over the mountain this morning.  I was deep in that thought when Tahlia started throwing up. Oh crap. Really? Child number two is now riding the vomatron? Bugger.  No phlegm ball here. This one is definitely a gut glob.  Sigh. The joys ...

1 comment :

  1. Ack! The horror! All that vomit, but at least NO LEECHES!

    ReplyDelete

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