Saturday, December 12, 2009

Day 69

After a great day catching up with school buddies yesterday I rang Derek on the drive home to see what we were doing for date night. I had wanted to go into the city and wander about hand-in-hand checking out the various bars and restaurants, maybe taking in a movie, but Derek decided that after a stressful week at work he would like to stay home and he would cook. Ok. But if we stay home don’t be sad when I fall asleep on the couch. Going out would keep me active and awake. And walking about holding hands is romantic. Being home means Buzz Monkey on ice will need to be served to keep me alert. He promised me a gourmet meal and a bath with champagne and candles. Ok. Who could knock that back?

So I get home, clean out the bath and fill it myself, light my own candle and pour my own bubbles. He was working away in the kitchen whisking something on the stove with incredible concentration and vigour. Do you know I managed to read 50 pages of my Marian Keyes novel! No kids you see. Yep, they are safe and sound at Nanny and Pops and no-one, not even Derek, entered the bathroom. Incredible! Derek didn’t even come in and perv until he heard a commotion of jet proportion. You see, you have to fill the bath above jet level, but it seems the body mass equation was a little too close and when I got out for a toilet break the water level dropped and the jets started spurting water over the cedar blinds, around the walls and across the tiles. It was a bit loud. But I was too busy peeing to do anything about it. Getting back in the bath levelled it all out and order was once again restored. Derek’s entrance was timely though as my champagne fell into the bath on re-entry and I needed a refill. I spent the rest of the session bathing in Killawarra Dusk. As I continued to bathe I wondered what Derek had in store for the evening, but it all quickly came to light as he arrived with a plate of oysters. Not only was I being liquored up but aphrodisiac was involved. Shit. He’s gunnin’ for the big one. There is no turning back now …

It takes me back to when Tahlia was first born. As I recovered from the enormity of having a baby and the actual delivery process in the first 6 months, Derek brings me home a packet of Horny Goat Weed tablets. You have got to be kidding me! Horny Goat Weed? You can imagine how far that got him. I think they are still in the bottom drawer of my bedside table unopened. Who the hell creates these things, and who names them?! I had this vision of a check-out-chick doing a price check:

“Price check on check out 4, price check on check out 4 …. Price check on Horny Goat Weed …. For Her”

Yep. That’s what it’s all about in the long run. It’s been 11 years of marriage and it’s still going. I know I need to be grateful that he’s still interested in this piece of deep fried fruit, but seriously, when does it end? WHEN??!!!!

Definitely not last night. Not only was I served one plate of oysters, but half an hour later I was presented with another plate. Two plates of oysters and a bottle of bubbles! As he gave them to me he said (and I quote) “You are soooo going to jump on me tonight …..”

Sigh. I’ve got to tell you, I’m getting a bit over date night … What will it be next time? Oysters that have been fed Horny Goat Weed in a vodka shot? Seriously. He’d get the same result walking around the city holding hands …

PS Before you start feeling sorry for Derek thinking he must be desperate and never get any ... he gets plenty!!! I'm the one who is desperately looking for a place to hide ... (bloody Labradors!)

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