Sunday, December 13, 2009

Day 70

Menopause. Now this opens up a whole new can for discussion. We spend our lives complaining about our monthly visitor and then cry our eyes out when menopause takes our visitor away. I think no matter what our conscious brain says, our sub-conscious brain persists with the baby thing. So no matter when you are told you can't have children - whether it be due to inability to conceive, illness, hysterectomy, age or circumstance - you go into mourning. I have kids so you would think this wouldn't be an issue for me. And it may not be. But to be TOLD I can no longer have kids ages you beyond years. No matter what your conscious brain is telling you there is something buried deep within that bounces out and screams "NOOOOOOOOOOO".....

I have held the hands of friends and family when the time comes and they are told there will be no children. Acquaintances who have never found their life partner and age beyond the baby making time-frame, friends who have found their love but can’t conceive, friends who have had cancer and treatment means no more children, friends who have had to have medically necessary hysterectomies meaning no more baby making, and friends and relatives who of course have just hit menopause age that says “never again” in flashing lights above their heads. I don’t think it matters when a woman is told that the time for making babies has past it still hurts. Whether we actually want kids or not, it really sucks to be TOLD it ain’t going to happen. Sure, for those of us who have children we should be bloody grateful we had any at all, but tell that to our bodies and our sub-conscious mind when the big NEVER AGAIN tattoo is stamped across our foreheads. My bestie who has a few years before she hits 40 was diagnosed recently as possibly peri-menopausal. Of course this completely wiped her out. Sure, she already has two kids and a husband with a vasectomy, but that doesn’t mean she wants her body to call it quits! You can’t take the decision away from a woman!! It’s in our genes, in our hearts, in our spirit and deeply embedded in the sub-conscious. Must be able to reproduce!! Why can’t we have our cake and eat it too?

My recent trip to the gyno where we discussed contraception had me rejoicing that contraception was still an issue. Sure, I bitch and moan about my extremely heavy period and the loss of iron and the cramps, but the bottom line is I still get my period! A sure sign that I am not as deep fried as I think. But it won’t be long as I journey the middle-aged road that the big “M” will appear on the roadside. And I’m not talking about McDonalds. This decade has a different set of golden arches glowing on the horizon. Oh no. Now this has me thinking. This is my last chance … do we want more kids or not? Shit. My heart is starting to ache and my mind is racing. Should we go again? Oh no. Big decisions. Oh crap. A 40 year old mother. No sleep, saggier breastfeeding boobs, more stretching in stomach region, nappies, bigger house, kids still at school and being supported when I am 60. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Must get contraceptives now …

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