Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Day 121

Thank you to everyone for emailing me about yesterday’s post. It seems my 40 year old fart created quite a lot of LOL which proves once and for all that yes, farts are still funny! In case you are wondering, my windiness has settled somewhat but I still have a bit of the ol’ pop and fizzle. I am very grateful that boot camp hasn’t started back yet because arse spluttering would have been plentiful in the bend, stretch, run and flex environment.

Speaking of farts I am up at sparrows fart today. Routine commences! No, not boot camp (that is next week). No, it is much more traumatic. The kids return to school today for the new school year. Tahlia is going into year 5 and Darby into year 1. Tahlia is looking forward to it and Darby is not. Tahlia will no doubt cruise into the school like she owns it and Darby will be clinging to my leg and the tears may commence when the bell rings. Maybe. So I need to make this a beautiful morning full of smiles and comfort. No yelling and screaming to get organised. I need to be 100% ahead of the game to keep them stress free. I might even iron their uniforms for them! Who am I trying to kid?

But that is not why I am up at sparrows fart. I am awake at 5.30 because I have a TV interview thingimo today for an on-line TV station and although it’s not a huge deal it is kind of big to me. I have been doing this media training stuff and because most of it was held in December/January I kind of screwed around a bit and didn’t really study properly. Bugger. And now I have forgotten everything I have learned and this morning I have that “shit shit shit” feeling in my stomach that actually makes you want to … shit. Hold that thought, gastro run required.

So I have written up the questions I want the interviewer to ask me, and I have 6 minutes to get my message across and I just realised that I haven’t timed myself at all yet. Shit. Hang on … another gastro run …

And as I look at the questions I can’t remember what my answers are and no clue as the point I was trying to make with the question in the first place. Damn. And now I need to a quiet place to go and think about this because the interview is at 10.00am and that means bolting from school the moment I pry Darby’s fingers off my cream pants suit. Crap. Another toilet run … (this is getting ridiculous - I think I’d prefer farting).

Ok, with that said it is still only 5.45am. It is dark outside but hopefully the sun will rise shortly and I can go for a quick walk/jog down to the lake and sit and ponder and breathe and learn my lines. Yep. That is what I will do. No toilets down there though …

A few hours later:

The walk to the park was highly successful and my mind is now ready for the interview ahead. The kids are also very perky and alive this morning and as yet there are no obvious signs of nerves (except that Darby isn't hungry this morning which is highly unusual). The morning has not been stress free though! What is far worse than stuffing up your Q and A in a TV interview? Looking like shit!!

I looked in the mirror to see lifeless hair with skunk line, eye luggage, no eyebrows, a round stomach suggesting I may have swallowed a melon recently, and one toe that has lost it polish. But don't fear! I have my trusty Deep Fried Fruit tool box. Out comes quick fix Schwartzkopf Live Colour hair rinse to add shine to hair, Maybelline Define-A-Lash mascara to colour in the left over grey temples and grey part, an Estee Lauder Artists Eye Pencil to create some brows, fast and soothing haemorrhoid relief cream to tighten up the eye bags (with some Lasonil ointment for bruises just to be safe), suck-it-all-in-so-that-not-even-gas-can-escape-gee-I-have-bad-wind-pains-now Dr Rey Shapewear undies (sorry Ricki-Lee - I bought these before your brand came out), and an Artline Marker to colour in the naked toe nail. All fixed! Ready to rock and roll. Hey, can I get some product placement revenue here please?!!

Lots of hours later:

The kids had a fantastic first day back at school. After a dodgey start with Darby shedding a few years (he tried to hide it) and with Tahlia cringing and recoiling as I tried to stroke her cheek and kiss her goodbye as I left (when did that start?!?), they went on to have what they have described as an awesome day.

I could say I had an awesome day too. The interviewer didn't ask any of the questions I had prepared and so I didn't recite any of the answers I had practiced on my walk this morning, but instead of that being a disaster I was able to talk naturally, off the cuff and with my heart. And I looked like a hundred bucks (at least!) I did leave my eyebrows on the bed at my chiro session though (I was lying face down) but it's all good because the interview was over by then.

Thumbs up all around!

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