Monday, February 8, 2010

Day 127

Today is a day of UPDATES. My last update session (Day 108) was so popular I was asked to make it a regular thing. So here we go! If I forget to update on something and you’re interested to know where things are at, please let me know!

The Man Bag: The man bag has gone back into the depths of the wardrobe where I can’t see it, smell it or hear it. We are still keeping the whole sandals and socks combination at bay as well. Thanks to a Deep Fried Fruit follower I have discovered there is a whole site dedicated to the wearing of sandals and socks! Shocking, absolutely shocking!

Maaaaa Meddddddiccccalllll Prooooooceeeeeeeduuuurrrreeee: The thingimo that was put in my which what via my hoo hoo is causing me grief. I am in pain! Should I still be in pain? My hips are kind of aching and throbbing, and I have cramping in my lower abdomen and I have really sore butt cheeks. What is THAT all about? Was he kneeling on my butt as he poked and prodded in there? And did he have to wrench my hips apart because their natural hinges weren’t working? Why am I feeling like this? According to an online discussion group about the thingimo lots of people have experienced this. Some even had their thingimo removed due to pain and loss of sex drive. Loss of sex drive?! I hardly had any to begin with. When I told Derek he simply said “no shit Sherlock”. What does that mean? But I won’t give into the online mass hysteria just yet and will remain calm until enough time has passed for me to not be calm anymore (or until I die from a ravaging infection, or experience a marriage melt-down, whichever comes first).

Cheer coach extraordinaire: Cheerleading has started up again and I am spending my life as an amateur desktop disk jockey cutting and pasting songs and stuff to create masterful originals. I can’t say I am “mixing” music because I haven’t mastered the art of mixing over the top of each other yet … definitely still at the cutting and pasting and “blending” level ….. I am also spending lots of time on the internet scanning for cool dance sequences and then getting very frustrated when my arms and legs go all uncoordinated on me as I try to replicate. The Dummy Mummy Dance Academy would be a good place to start (does such a beast exist?)

Staying fit and fabulous at 40: Boot camp hell is about to start up again (tomorrow). Last year I took on boot camp with gusto and pride and absolute conviction. This year I am cowering in a corner wishing I could stay fit without the actual exercise. May have something to do with the current pain from having that thingimo put into my which what via my hoo hoo ….

The 40 year old fart: Arty Farty still visits our parties frequently and I have yet to find a plug … but I do have a great range of scented candles.

Looking young: My Deep Fried Fruit tool box continues to grow as I fight the signs of aging. I will give you the list of essentials in the not-too-distant future. Today’s little tip includes putting a small dab of Sorbelene cream in your hair to smooth down the pesky fly-aways.

Max Factor (we call him that because he is always showing us his lipstick): Max the hip-gyrating-Lab seems a bit depressed of late. He looks sad. He hasn’t been to the farm for a while which means he may be fretting for his Brokeback Mountain cowboy lover, but the last time we visited there didn’t appear to be much hip-gyrating action anyway, so maybe Binny broke up with him? We’ll keep an eye on things.

Millie Vanillie (we call her that because it rhymes and she’s white): Millie the white fluffy has turned into a happy, springy, dancing bundle of fur since her teeth were fixed. She is also eating up a storm and growing a bit of a barrel belly. She is learning to get out of our way as we all walk through life forgetting to look down which means the accidental abuse we’d been delivering is starting to subside. Max is also starting to notice her a bit more which assists with keeping those internal injuries at bay.

Neck curtains: My hair is starting to grow and cover my neck canyons. That’s a good thing.

My daily guide to 40: I still refuse to make my own jam and whittle a piece of wood. I continue to be friends with my spinal column though! (Unless it is my spinal column that is beating up on my hips … ) Today’s little “Things to do when you’re 40” tip is to hang upside down on a Trapeze!!!! Woot woot!!! Finally it tells me to trapeze. That does it. I’ve been waiting for it!!! So much better than making jam. You don’t need to sign a waiver to make stupid jam. This is what I’m talkin’ about! I’m off to book my trapeze lessons …. (oh man, the gift voucher runs out in two weeks! Need to make a trip to Sydney real soon ...)

Staying Alive: I have a plant I was given for my 40th. It is a Flamingo Flower (Anthurium andreanum). It is part of my mobile office. It is still alive!!!! It is only the second plant ever I’ve managed to keep green.

My books: I am still not published. Sigh. But I visualise daily and stick with the dream. One publishing house has the books for months and months and MONTHS. I believe that to be a good thing. You can visit my dream at

Having my cake and eating it too: I am still working on that work/life balance thing. Business is taking off again which is a good thing so money is coming into the house from me again. I love what I do. So really, can I call it work?

Finances: Money is still an issue. Just as there was light at the end of our Global Financial Crisis tunnel the switch was turned off sending us back into darkness. Derek has a new commission structure due to commence soon, but in the meantime they have decided to claw money off us because of an overpayment over 12 months ago! Hang on, you can’t claw back what we don’t have can you? Yep, apparently they can just not pay him at all this month. Excellent. I declare this the month of the two minute noodles. Nope, not putting up with that shit! I will just stride down that bloody tunnel and turn on the freakin’ light myself! Off to stand under a red light on a street corner ….

Off-spring: Kids are loving school and although they still won’t kiss or cuddle me at school drop off, they greet me with bear hugs at school pick up. So there is lots of “I don’t need you Mum, I’m cool” at the start of the day, and heaps of “thank God you’re here Mum we love you” at the end. That’s good. I can handle that.

Online TV Interview: Not sure when it is going to air but when it does, I will post a link!

Helping teachers: I think our teachers are absolute gold so I have signed up to be a teachers aid for those days I am low on clients, have exhausted my cheer choreography, have quit my role as household manager and don’t want to hound the publishers anymore.

Today's cup: Red with aztec type design - red is for action!

The iron: I ironed Darby's school shorts the other day. Yes, one small step for Leanne, with no mankind leaping ...

Escape hatch: The absolute best escape hatch of all is going to hospital for a general anaesthetic. I had the full day in hospital, being wheeled around in a bed, brought lunch on a platter (well, a tray at least), being fussed over by other people AND when I got home I was allowed to lie in bed for two days without any bother! Yep, am off to research some more surgeries I can schedule! But in the meantime the bath remains the closest thing to an effective escape hatch ...

Freebie: Derek changed his freebie from Pink to Sandra Bullock. Neither of us are any closer to bagging our crush.

Clown clothes: No new PJs yet so I continue through life as a night time Bozo.

Blog Glosssary: Another popular posting! Will be updating the blog glossary tomorrow.

Until then my friends, happy Monday!


  1. Really enjoyed the blog post this morning. Well done!!!

  2. Nice update! We have a dog who likes to get his lipstick out too. I hate the thought of it touching things around the house and am considering asking my Mum to knit him a penis sock. I'm really not sure what she'll think of that.

  3. LOL! I love that. A nice little sock to keep the Max Factor fresh. Cool!!


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