Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Day 219

Dumdy dum. What do ya wanna talk about today? Sex? Drugs? Rock n roll? What about farting? Um, chin hair, muffin tops or skunk lines? We could always chat about saggy baggy bits. Or pee sneezes. Well, this is after all the diary of deep fried fruit. It's not gonna be all firm tits and legs that go forever you know.

I once had legs that went forever. In fact, in year 12 my legs were voted as part of the ultimate woman. Just my legs. I had someone else's face, body and chest. Yes, this was an exercise put together my a bunch of blokes, but I was proud of the legs bit. I was also referred to as the Long Legged Luscious Leanne at uni. Well, that's what they called me to my face. Given the other girls had been given names such as Dirty Deb, Rhonda Rotten and Oh So Randy Mandy, I am sure I had an alternative name as well. Particularly since the Ockers dishing out the names were sexist swill drinking pigs. (And I have actually toned down those names for the purposes of publishing.) But that's a story for another day.

Anyway a funny thing happened on the way to 40 and my legs turned into shapeless tree trunks. I'm not sure when my toes grew roots but obviously they dug into the soil one day and hey presto, the tree trunks arrived. Cankles, knees that were swallowed up by my legs and thunder thighs. But it's ok, I found my knees again (obviously - they having been hurting too much to ignore them) and my cankles dissolved to give me my ankles back. Perhaps my body had just bubble wrapped my legs for a bit after childbirth to protect them against the toddlers. I mean, they are always hanging off your legs (the toddlers I mean) so perhaps the root system grew to keep me in one spot for longer, and the bubble wrap appeared to protect me and my babies as they mastered the art of leg clinging. Anyway, with lots of boot camp and some targeted leg work I managed to get a couple of layers of bubble wrap off and my legs are somewhat leg-like again. And with a cupboard full of high heels my legs can still go on for ever if I choose to let them.

They don't quite meet my arm pits anymore though. There is a bubble wrapped arse and a couple of hippy hips that get in the way. Plus the biggess titess I seemed to have grown during motherhood. So I am no longer a head on a pair of legs, but I guess that is a good thing. I may have a dicky knee but I'd prefer not to acquire that Hey Hey it's Saturday "head on a stick" nickname.

So there you have it. Just as we thought we had nothing to talk about I threw in some new deep fried fruitisms. Huh! Easy peasy.

Oh, and let's not forget my mantra - "I'm so grateful I've got legs, I'm so grateful I've got legs ..." (and being wrapped in bubble wrap is not such a bad thing).

1 comment :

  1. LOL! Thank you for now I have the reason for my cushy always-covered-in-pants-or-tights-in-public legs! Better to drag the little maniac around!


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