Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Day 400

Today we're going to talk about undies.  Specifically, undies appropriateness.

Yesterday I had my first ever appointment with an Osteopath.  I knew nothing of what to expect other than my Osteo is a man and that he would use a combination of massage, chiro and physio.  So the big question that loomed was "what undies should I wear".  Was I going to have to strip down?

Now from personal experience I have found that wearing a G-string is not a good look for stripping down for things that have you lying face down with your arse in the air. I discovered that as a 20 year old at my first ever physio visit.  The physio had me strip down to my undies and stand in front of him while he crouched at bum level to check the length of my legs and the position of my hips.  My bare butt was in his face. So the G-string was quickly struck from my list of possibilities.

When I have massage I wear full briefs and it doesn't matter what they look like because (a) I am fully covered with a towel in that area at all times and (b) my masseuse is a woman with whom I have known for 16 years.  She knows me and all the undies I am capable of - big, little, frilly, lace, saggy, holey ..... There is no need to pretend I am all glitz, glamour and decorum all of the time.  I can have my down days.

When I get my waxing done I wear a tatty old g-string because that is what is suggested by my beautician. Easy.  She has given me the undies guidelines in advance.

When I went to the chiro I didn't have to worry about my undies because all back cracking and hip adjusting was done with my clothes on.  

So when I got ready for the Osteo yesterday I did so with many questions and many possibilities in my mind.  My first thought was "he's a man".  So I kind of wanted to be covered up and wearing appropriate underwear for a 41 year old married woman.  But at the same time I was thinking, I don't want this guy to think I'm all frumpy and old of mind when it comes to undie grundies.  And then I thought, perhaps I won't need to take off my gear.  Maybe I should just wear exercise clothes.  So I wore my yoga pants, with a sports singlet and t-shirt.  But then I had to think of my VPL through my fitted trousers.  Hmmm.  Can't wear a g-string in case I need to strip.  Hmmm. My boyleg sports briefs are in the wash.  Hmmm.  My flesh coloured knickers are so threadbare that the flesh colouring actually comes from seeing my flesh. Hmmm. Can't wear my lace because I am a married woman and don't want to send mixed signals. Hmmm.  So I went with white. Plain white enormous Nanna knickers.  Maybe I would keep my clothes on?

No such luck. When I got there I had to strip and put on one of those beautiful disposable open-at-the-back hospital type garments.  My enormous saggy threadbare white arse was hanging for all to see. And then I had to lie face down and show my white mountain to all who would enter the room. And then they actually adjusted my enormous undies and rolled them down so they could access my hips and sciatic region.  Shit.

I feel the need to go and buy some "especially for the Osteo" undies, but is that overdoing it?  I know I shouldn't care what the Osteo thinks, but this is pretty much all he sees of me.  If I saw him in the street he'd immediately visualise the undies I'm in, I'm sure of it. So you want to make a good first undies impression.  And I failed. I need to redeem myself.

Any suggestions?


  1. I am cracking up because they had to roll your undies down. I find that image to be hilarious.

  2. Goodluck with what you choose, just make sure they are comfy is all I can say.

  3. How about a pair of briefs or hipsters? You know, not huge, old granny panties, but something in between. That's it!..you need a nice compromise for your undy selection, you need to go shopping or this will bother you and bother you....and the visuals you give to us are just priceless...priceless...


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