Day 1350 - Confrontation

I have just discovered that I can't handle confrontation.

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Isn't that interesting? After all these years it's taken until I'm Deep Fried to work that out.  I know I avoid conversations about politics, religion, world events etc, but I always thought it was because I felt opinions were best left inside ones own head rather than spat out across the room to infect influence other people. It turns out it may actually be because I can't cope with a life that is not in harmony.



You'll notice I never discuss subjects here that are controversial in any way, nor do I like to highlight the negative. I prefer a harmonious existence.  There was an ad on the radio for McDonalds recently that went something like "signs you only like good news" (or something like that) and goes on to say "you always end a sentence with a smiley face" (yep that's me).  I was a little bit shocked to realise that the entire commercial fit me to a T! Am I that transparent?

 I have various roles where I am a "liaison officer". The person that chats to people about their issues and helps them find ways to resolve them without conflict.  Or confrontation. I usually manage to do this within the harmonious boundaries I like to set myself.  But sometimes a rogue comment (or two or three) flies in from another party and I'm suddenly in shock and caught off guard.  I handle it in the moment, then go home and cry.  Why? Because someone has actually had the nerve to confront me!

So with that in the back of mind, I have been barreling through the last few weeks trying to get a shite load of stuff done, and in the process I have had to liaise with new people about website enhancements, advertising, expansion, funding etc etc.  It's completely jumbled my brain and I am exhausted (and lacking resilience).  Husband questioned me on a rather high quote I got for website upgrades and decided he wanted to meet the guys who quoted it.  I left him to it ... why?  Well it seems it's because I can't cope with confrontation.  Even the kind that makes good business sense.  He needed to confront them about it and talk them down .... I hid under my desk and sucked on my fingernails until he was done.

I just discovered that I can't handle confrontation! I did not know that about myself before.  And now I do.

Isn't that interesting?!


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