Monday, December 29, 2014

Day 1909 - End of year blues

Thank goodness 2014 is coming to an end.

You know me.  I try to find the positive in all. And to be honest, I can find PLENTY of wonderful things about 2014.  I've spent all year using as much energy as I can identifying the good; but it hasn't come easily.

It's  been a crap year.  With a death in the family, two cancer battles, a child with major surgery, friends with illness, business challenges, lack of income, learning challenges and all the strain the aforementioned can have on a family and on a marriage.

If I was coaching someone through this I would suggest they schedule themselves a "break down" to let it all out.  Being positive and choosing to be happy is a wonderful thing .. for the mind ... but your heart and soul still carry the burden of challenge and there is a point you've got to let it all out.  Scheduling a break down (allowing yourself to go away and just cry and scream and yell and cry some more) means you take control.

I didn't do that though.  I let it all sneak up on me over the last few weeks and I just got plain mean.  Not myself.  I then had a week of extra high tension. Which ended in one day of total foul mouthed explosion. Ugly ugly stuff.

In the lead up that day I was so angry.  Anger like I haven't felt in over 20 years.  It was all consuming.  I was angry at everyone for silly things.  And then the final straw came over the silliest thing.  And I exploded. I exploded and ran away.  Like a child throwing a tantrum.

Of course the tears then came.  About an hour's worth.  And slowly but surely it all came out.  A year's worth of crap oozed out of me with all the poison and infection coming with it.

Afterwards I was exhausted and I slept like I haven't slept in months waking up drained, empty and somewhat relieved.  Confused and sorry and embarrassed, but feeling ready to start again.

Ready to walk away from 2014 and start fresh with 2015.

Thank goodness 2014 is coming to an end.  Bring on next year!

There are no photos.  This post is not a photo post.  Colourless.  But also because I have crap internet right now.  Yep, bring on the new year ...


  1. Can relate 110%.

    Thanks for letting it all out for me too!

    2015 - bring it on. And may we be better and stronger than ever before for it.

    SSG xxx

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