Friday, February 13, 2015

Day 1955 - How to become confident

How are your confidence levels?

If only gaining confidence came as easily as applying a bit of lippy. Guess what! Believe it or not, it can actually help.

Something I am hearing more and more from women these days is that they are lacking confidence.  One of the first things a client will say to me is "how do I become more confident?"

There is no magic formula.  But I do know one thing - we all seem to want that kind of peaceful confidence that only comes with good self worth.

Don't mistake confidence for self worth. They are different.  A person can come across with all the bravado and confidence in the world, but suffer from poor self esteem.

So how do we get to this point of peaceful confidence?

Twelve ways to build confidence:

  1. Achievements:  Acknowledge where we've achieved results, whether it be recently or many years ago, and be proud of those achievements.  Achievements might be big or small; they might be academic, career, family or hobby based; they might be publicly recognised or privately achieved.  We need to remind ourselves of how clever we are.
  2. Strengths: Recognise the things we're good at, our positive traits, our talents and our strengths.  What makes us different? What makes us valuable? Where are we the most clever?
  3. Goals:  Setting goals is important for positive forward movement. Whether they be big goals like rennovating the house or getting a degree, or smaller goals like running around the oval or learning to cook a souffle, goals keep us motivated, focused and achieving results.
  4. Self talk:  It's time we treat ourselves the same way we treat our best friends or our kids.  It's time we talk ourselves up.  Nurture the inner child and the bestie that's inside us all.
  5. Find a passion:  It's hard to feel good about ourselves when we're not doing the things we love to do.  Whether it be work, family, hobby or community, find something to get excited about.
  6. Health:  Knowing that we are doing the best we can for the body we have been given, helps create confidence at an "organic" level.  We don't have to be training for a marathon or wear size 8 clothes, but by taking note of the fuel we put into our body and by remaining active, we can create a sense of peace that we are in control.  
  7. Perspective and perception: We see the world not as it is, but as we are.  It's that simple.  If we see the world as a great place to be, then it will be a great place for us.  Our mind only knows what we tell it. The world is what we think it is.  We are who we think we are.  
  8. Remove "failure":  A lack of self confidence can come from fear.  So many of us are afraid of failure.  So many of us feel like we've failed.  There is no such thing as failure.  It's just a word.  Just because we didn't achieve the result we'd been hoping for doesn't mean we have "failed".  We still got a result! It was just a different result than the result we'd aimed for.  Learn from it and move on.
  9. Note the weaknesses:  It's important to know what we're good at and what we're not.  It's also important not to give too much energy to our weaknesses. We've all got them.  Concentrating on them will keep us weak.  Putting our energy into our strengths will make us strong.
  10. Be proud:  Stand tall, shoulders back, chest out and chin up.  Walk with pride.  It's time to be proud of who we are and what we've accomplished.  We all have something special to offer the world and we can be proud of the person we have become.
  11. Smile:  There's a lot of strength in a smile.
  12. Wear red lipstick:  Think back to the times in life when we've felt good about ourselves.  Often they are times when we were dressed up, hair done and with a bit of lippy.  Taking pride in our appearance helps us to be the best that we can be.

What makes you feel good about yourself?

If you're feeling really bad about yourself and need guidance, then sometimes seeking the help of a life coach or psychologist is the best first step.  

You can also call Lifeline on 13 11 14.


  1. I'm not the most confident person out there. It's something I've battled with throughout my life. I'm continually trying to be more assertive in the workplace etc. You look great in that photo.

  2. You look great in the photo Leanne - the red nails and lipstick cap off the smile and confident stance (+ nice dress). My confidence professionally has taken a bit if a battering of late, but I've lot weight and am fitter and healthier than I've been for years, so that is giving me confidence. All a balance really.

  3. I love perspective and perception. Often what you perceive is not always what it is. People will see what they want to, regardless of whether it is true. When it comes to confidence, don't question what others see, question only what you see. If it's good, keep it, if it's not, change it.

  4. That's a great list, Leanne. Number 9 is a big one for me. I beat myself up when I make mistakes or miss the mark and I know I need to focus on learning from it and moving on.

  5. I wore red lipstick, after a L'Oreal makeup guru put it on me but I didn't 'own' it. I love this list - thanks, it's what I needed to read today!

  6. I think smiling can go a long way. It can help boost your mood, and give you a false sense of confidence so you can fake it til you make it.

  7. I've been wearing a lot of red lippy these past couple of months and my self confidence has soared! I've also become a little more playful and cheeky ;)


I love hearing your thoughts! Keep them rolling in :)

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