Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Day 2350 - Fibromyalgia - Fight or Flight?

Do you push through or back away?

I had a big weekend of sorts.  It shouldn't have been overly taxing physically, but it was another one of those events I coordinated that finally came to fruition leaving me drained and in pain come Monday.

I project managed a visit from two international coaches to the ACT and then coordinated their attendance at all the cheerleading programs that come under the ACT Regional Cheerleading banner.

The weekend included ten different athlete workshops, a coaching workshop and the credentialing of over thirty coaches.

I didn't do any of the coaching or the credentialing.  I didn't even book their travel. My job was just to get the program together, welcome our guests, work out the money and just make sure everyone was where they were supposed to be and at the right time.

Not overly taxing. Something that I can do on my ear.  But with a dramatic change in weather, a lack of sleep and other fibromyalgia triggers, I have found myself in complete body shutdown as a result.

I feel like I have jet lag with a car accident thrown in.

The fibromyalgia pain is shooting up and down my back, into my arms, down to my legs, through my hands and in my cheeks.

I have brain fog and am finding it hard to string these sentences together.

I feel dehydrated, fatigued, cranky and flat.

I was feeling like that for much of the weekend but instead of backing away, I pushed through.  It's easy to push through when you've got an audience.  Not so easy when it's all over and you're left to your own devices again.

That's what fibromyalgia does.  It grabs you and throws you around and then puts a big weight on you so it's hard to move. And then you schedule a day or two off to get through it and life is good again. Or life isn't as good as you hoped but you just adjust your approach to make the best of how you feel and continue to push through.

So I guess I'm wondering, is it worth it?

Is it worth doing these projects when afterwards I'm a shattered mess?

Tell me, do you push through or back away?

At what point should we throw in the towel?

Apologies for a defeated sounding post.  The sun is yet to rise, everything hurts and I feel old and defeated. I'm sure I'll be back to ageing positively again in a day or two ... 


  1. Oh Leanne. This is terrible. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling awful and in so much pain. I guess it comes down to how much you get out of organising these events and whether the pain you have to endure afterwards is worth the enjoyment and satisfaction you get out of organising these events. Is there any way you can downsize your role in these activities in the future? Perhaps you can be the coordinator and delegate to people to do the actual running around xx

  2. It must be very difficult to push through when you are feeling so poorly. Is there a way in which such a big load can be reduced so that you are still involved, but not exhausting yourself? I don't think you should surrender to it, rather rest, recoup and push again. I hope you are feeling better really soon xxx

  3. So sorry to hear you are suffering from this. X

  4. I'm sorry to hear you're shattered. And that you're in pain. Usually I would push through, and think about the consequences later, but the consequences always hit me first and my family and they don't affect the project or people I've been helping. I hope you get time this week to rest and recover. xx

  5. Don't apologise for the post. Thanks for your honesty! The jet lag/car accident description had me feeling it. I hope the recovery goes well. #teamIBOT

  6. There's nothing wrong with having a bad time and saying so. No point in panting a glossy picture of illness when that's not how it is. I do hope you're feeling better soon xx

  7. Big hugs Leanne! I can totally relate to what you're saying and how you're feeling because I have had similar struggles this year. Take care of you. xo

  8. Aw, Leanne, I am so sorry you're feeling so terrible.
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting people know that you've reached your limit and you just need to take a moment. Have you ever heard of The Spoon Theory? http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

  9. Leanne
    I can totally relate. My post in the link up is about a very similar thing only instead of Fibromyalgia I have Depression, PTSD & Anxiety. I won't for one second pretend to know what your pain must be like but the exhaustion I feel from pushing through is soul draining. It is so hard to be able to know when to opt in or out, equally sometimes we want to be there regardless of how much it will take out of us. Today has been a long day and from what I have written in my journals so was yesterday.

    I guess what I am saying is I don't know where that line is and at the moment it would seem that I am pushing through but this is clearly coming at a huge cost. Let's see what Easter brings!

    Rest up and I hope you are feeling better soon.

  10. It's awful,when your body is in pain and demands attention like this, Leanne. I'm so sorry you're not well and I hope you are better soon. Dealing with ongoing pain is huge challenge . To push through or give in? I think it's one day at a time. Listen to your body and decide how far you can it on any given day.,it looks like you had planned to.have a couple of days to recuperate - that's a good idea. I hope,you're feeling better. Hugs to you xxxx

  11. Oh gosh, I have a friend with fibro and watching her journey has been massive. I don't think anyone could ever truly understand unless they're in that position. The hard part is giving up something you love, then leads to further pain in a different manner. From what I've seen, it's about taking one day at a time, assessing what to put energy into and what to let go of at that moment, and knowing that if something does need to be given away, it might only need be for a temporary moment until strength is regained. Best of luck. x

  12. Oh Leanne. I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you feel better soon. x

  13. It's so hard to tell with a chronic illness, isn't it? What ends up worth it and what isn't. I can't offer you advice but I watch my husband go through similar daily so I can empathise.

  14. I came across your blog on the link up and it seems as though we had the same sort of weekend. I've had to accept that today I'm not going to get anything done. They fibro pain is stabbing through my back, arms and face and the fibro fog is crippling. I've had to accept that I can't work a full time 'normal' job but try to push through to a certain extent. I don't want it to beat me but realistically I know I can't work to the pace I used to. I'm sorry, this probably doesn't make sense (thanks to the fog) and I'm really sorry you're in so much pain. Please try not to make any decisions until you are feeling a bit better x

  15. Oh Leeanne I am so sorry that you are feeling so crappy. I think it's important to admit that we do have our limits. It's not necessarily acting defeated, just realising that you are human and that it's important to take care of your physical and mental health so that you can keep going.

  16. So sad that it has hit you so bad! And I can certainly empathise...I am fatigued all the time, regularly having good to lay down during the day...my sentences are like yours & some days feel old
    Mostly I push through it, I don't work but I am very busy with volunteering and helping others, but sometimes you just have to have 'ME' time, otherwise you are no good to anyone least of all yourself

  17. Wow. I am so sorry that this is what happens to you when fibromyalgia takes over. Taking care of ourselves is one of the challenges we have isn't it when we are the busy ones who take care of others. Denyse xx


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