Day 3686 - One upon a time ...

The story of a queen and her new castle. 

Once upon a time the queen decided she needed a new castle. Not that there was anything wrong with her old castle. In fact it was one of the most prized castles in the land suburb street lot. She required the new castle because it was her dream to keep the royal family close without falling over their enormous shoes each time she walked from her throne the toilet to the parlour lounge room.



Her majesty, the king, their princess and prince, along with the royal corgies pure breds cross breeds, scoured the land for the perfect manor in which to spend their days.  Preferably one with a separate wing for the royal offspring and their ridiculously large extremities.  Of course the new fortress would also require a dressing room walk-in-closet fit for a queen Carrie Bradshaw and all her shoes handbags gowns shit. 

They found the castle of their dreams, paid for it with cash and the royal fairy waved it's wand and they were moved in within seconds.

The End.


If only it was that easy.  Here's how it really went down.

Once upon a time the queen found the castle of her dreams.  She loved it so much she made an offer. Then the king said no, and they had to retract. Apparently the queen isn't actually the ruler of the land.

The End.


Then this happened.

Once upon a time the queen took the king on a tour of the kingdom to show him the house he said no to was actually a bargain.  The king found the biggest castle on offer, the royal family fell in love with it and then they found out they couldn't finance it. The queen was annoyed, the king was humbled and they continued their search. 

The End. 


Then this happened.

Once upon a time the royal real estate agent gave the queen and king a sneaky peek at the ultimate castle which ticked all of the royal boxes.  They all fell in love with the abode and dreamed of the day the fairy would wave her magic wand and they'd be languishing by the pool.  But when they turned up to the open home they discovered there were many royal subjects also looking for their ultimate castle. So the queen lorded it all over them and scared them away. Then went into a bidding war and is now sitting at her desk writing stupid fairy tales about castles and enormous feet while she awaits the vendors final decision.  

UPDATE: Been waiting to hear what happened next?

Once upon a time the Queen went about her royal duties which consisted mainly of sitting on her throne contemplating the state of the kingdom local soccer club. She awaited patiently impatiently while the royal real estate agent worked his magic tried to make as much money as possible to buy his kids ponies segways for Christmas. At exactly seventeen hundred hours he phoned with the unfortunate news that the other party the bastards who'd bought their tape measure to the last viewing, were playing hard ball. With a trunk full of cash financing approved and a letter from Lord Legal of Law Firmington a section 17 waiver to forego the cooling off period, they swept in and bought the house ignoring the clear superiority of Her Royal Highness and the respect one should afford a Queen.  The Queen threw a royal tantrum and demanded the royal family leave her alone to wallow in her own self pity.

As she writes this she is choosing her most impressive and stately Queenly suit with matching hat to attend an auction (pronounced awwwwction because she's a queen) to prove to the commoners who stole her castle the bastards with the tape measure that they did her a favour as she now proceeds to find the most impressive castle in the land.  

To be continued ...



Will the queen find her castle?

Will the royal family require custom made shoes?

Do magic move-all-your-stuff-and-set-up-your-new-house fairies actually exist?

Keep an eye out for the Deep Fried Update coming next Thursday. 

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